I am a reformed extrovert. Many folks who are socialized as girls and were missed as neurodivergent as kids reach a moment in their adult life where they realize “Fuck. I think I’m actually an introvert who’s just really good at masking.” They realize they need far more alone time and do actually have a limit to the amount of socializing or out and about activity they can do, especially depending on the contexts in which that socializing occurs.
For example, having one to three friends over to my house who I feel comfortable staying in comfy clothes, being all wrapped up in a blanket, and unworried about how I’m being perceived or that I’m correctly following the social scripts set forth by a society I didn’t build, is far more likely to be a net gain into my energetic cup, or at least I may break even. Whereas going out to a bar for a date or a karaoke sesh or a friends birthday is going to be really fun and energizing in the moment, but once I get home and survey my system there is often a net loss of energy that if I don’t take seriously by “hermiting” will soon turn into an energetic deficient impacting my ability to self care, do my work, pursue my passions and cultivate satisfying relationships.
This is the delicate dance of being out in the world and in ones own as an AuDHDer. This is the back and forth experimentation of going within and sharing back out that any healer, seeker, caregiver, leader, or artist faces in a world where the expectation is to go go go, do more more more, and be “booked and busy” in order to feel good about oneself. That you are in fact “successful.”
But 2025 is about none of that. It is a year not asking for us to speed up. It is a year not asking us to be doing the most to execute our dreams or climb the social or corporate or whatever ladders present themselves to you in your particular socio-economic context. Quite the opposite. It is a Hermit year. A time for seeking.
The collective archetype (card) for 2025 is The Hermit card. 2 + 0 + 2 + 5 = 9 and the Hermit is the 9th card in the 21 card sequence. It’s the second card in what’s known as the “death spiral” where we ask ourselves who am I? Really?
I strongly identify with the archetype of the Hermit. It is my soul card after all. Nine is my life path number. Hermit - a word known in our cultural zeitgeist as the one who is sitting at home all cozied up, safe and tucked away from the woes of the world. The one who would prefer to stay home, do the introverted thing and go into battery saving mode, is a stereotype I do often fit in or have allowed myself to form into the more I accept the realities of my work in the world and the body I inhabit.
While this action of retreat by The Hermit is an accurate representation of the archetype in the Fool’s Journey - also known as the Hero’s Journey in popular storytelling, it’s actually not the whole story. There is actually so much more to The Hermit than just retreat and isolation. In fact, isolating ones self can really be detrimental to embodying the true invitation of the Hermit, depending on the Why behind it all.
The Hermit’s real medicine is about being devoted to seeking the truth of who you are, where you come from and what your purpose - you’re unique contribution to the web of life, is here on earth, in this body, right now. Devotion to understanding the great mysteries inside yourself that only you can step moment by moment closer towards with the help of the angels known as Curiosity, Courage and Compassion. Devotion not to endless self improvement in order to be a more productive member of society, but to the reclamation of your Wholeness - the light and shadow inside. The things that remain unresolved, unseen and unprocessed. The parts of yourself - memories, beliefs, feelings that have been exiled or burdened with instinctual survival defenses not really serving the way they once did. All the pieces of yourself left behind in those decision moments after you were harmed. The Hermit is a devotion to your flame - your inner light, above all. That thing that helps you keep moving humbly step by step through the darkness we are each tasked with journeying through in this life.
In the traditional Raider Waite Smith Tarot, the illustration of The Hermit is of an old wizard like figure in a their big warm wizard cloak holding a staff in one hand and a lantern with a shining star beaming out from it in the other atop a snowy mountaintop. If you grew up in Christianity, which many of us did even if we we didn’t go to church because of the unfortunate domination of European Christianity over the world to this day, you might be familiar with the tune “This little light of mine. I’m gonna let it shine.” This is what the light of The Hermit is. Your light. Your shine. That thing that makes you uniquely you. That thing that keeps your spirit alive. That thing that people may try to steal from you or extinguish completely especially if you have any kind of marginalized experience. Especially if you are Autistic.
People are often drawn to our lights - our authenticity, genuineness, innocent brightness, and those who remain unhealed often suck away this light of ours before it’s too late for us to notice whether it sexual coercion, narcissistic abuse or a workplace who takes advantage of the gifts of your neurodivergence (hyperfocus, strategic vision, unshakable passion) but provides no understanding or support for the challenges of your neurodivergence (longer processing and rest times needed, sensory overload, non-hierarchical thinking, “fidgeting”).
This light we all have that is so important to keep alive is what I am learning more and more how to safe guard, nourish and follow with the help of The Hermit. I have been learning it’s lessons since 2020 when we were all forced to “hermit,” When we did, I realized my gender, my sexuality and my creative dreams were not what I thought they were. That I was in fact queer, genderfluid and hiding behind directing a company / group choreography instead of fully shining my light as a solo artist.
I met its lessons again in 2021 when I received my late-in-life AuDHD diagnosis and realized I needed to completely change the structures of my life in order to keep my light alive as I experienced autistic burnout from my full-time eating disorder treatment center job. Quit. And went into the work of building my private practice. I learned I likely couldn’t ever work for someone else again because I need control over my schedule, how many clients I see, and what my day-to-day looks like since my spoons (amount of energy to do things) were so unpredictable (they are more predictable now that I have a life that much better fits my Brain-Body style).
P.S. Did you know that “late in life” for autism is considered after age five? YUP. It’s true. Learned that in my ASD Clinical Specialist certification training and it blew my mind. It’s also true and can mean that infants, toddlers, children can and are experiencing autistic burnout. One way I know I did is the memory of being on the playground as a 2nd grader out on the field on my own by this little wooden bench thing that sat right behind a little ditch. I stood on top of that piece of tree and vividly remember thinking “I should jump and hurt myself so I can get some help.” Break my leg or something, so I could be in the hospital and get a break. Experience some relief. Be actually cared for. I would have been seven or eight years old.
The Hermit’s lessons showed in 2022 when I moved back to the east coast, across the country, still with my old chest and old name and ever shifting pronouns making me need to isolate myself until I “transitioned” because I didn’t want to have to re-introduce myself to new people all over again. I just wanted a fresh start and was happy staying home, being in my own space, being in my depth journey, zipping myself up like a caterpillar into a cocoon I would emerge from a year later.
P.S. I use quotations for the word “transition” because I honestly don’t resonate with it, especially in how it is really just a shorthand word that cis people are maybe familiar with and the familiarity with it they do have is so framed in the binary of going from “male” to “female” or the vise verse, or being this thing one day and this other thing the next and suddenly your gender journey is over forever. This is not the reality for most trans people, nonbinary people, gender non-conforming people or PEOPLE. “Transition” is years. “Transition” is forever. “Transition” is personal evolution and evolution is meant to be constant. Evolution is what keeps any species alive and resilient. This is the what The Hermit teaches - the devotion to never-ending seeking of Truth - Authenticity - Evolution. This all or nothing thinking of “transition” is the same kind of thinking that limits the infinite expression of Self and humanness and LIGHT, and has now resulted in absolute propaganda against trans people in the form of the concept of “de transition.” A made up thing now being used to take away our healthcare rights and our very existence.
(Steps off soap box)
The Hermit has been healing me lately because it is about going back into the fold of life too. You don’t just stay up on the mountain top in your sanctuary forever. There must be a return to community where you share the messages you’ve received. The lessons learned. The light that you have been connecting to and cultivating and strengthening. Your light is meant to be shared. Your light is meant to guide you. It can’t illuminate every step on your full path to your dreams, but it can be with you each moment of the way. Revealing the next few steps ahead.
What is your light my dear?
How will you tend it, protect it, share it, allow it to guide you?
What is your sanctuary?
How do you notice when it’s time to go inward and share outward?
What are you seeking at this time?
How might the energy of The Hermit be a guide, an anchor, an adventure to you in 2025?
Let me know in the comments. We’re on this ride together.
Lucky
Photo by Deb Ray Choudhuri
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